Adolescence, the transition from childhood to adulthood, is a time of life with many changes to deal with, from lifestyle to hormones. No wonder, they sometimes feel stressed. Good parenting is obviously especially key to maintaining their wellbeing. So, what are the signs to look for and what should we do about them?
Causes of stress in adolescents
- Having to study things they’re not good at or not interested in, leading to bad grades, and feeling pressured by family expectations.
- Not getting enough respite from their study load and activities.
- Being bullied at school, including physical abuse, being mocked, or gossiped about, and being cut out a group.
- Relationships with friends and crushes.
- Health problems that interrupt studies until they find themselves too far behind to catch up easily.
- Receiving too much information. At this age, they’re still in the process of developing the ability to analyse and screen information. Being bombarded too much gets them confused, stressed and panicky.
- Concerns about personal appearance. Teenagers start to care more about their image in terms of body type, clothing, and makeup. It’s the age when they are shaping their identity and pay particular attention to others’ opinions.
- Life changes such as moving schools and sitting university entrance examinations.
- Being abused in any way, whether physically or mentally.
Warning signs that an adolescent is stressed
- Feeling down for a couple of weeks or more.
- Trying to avoid situations and stepping away from society.
- Self-harming behaviour or talk.
- Mood swings, irritability, and inability to control emotions incidents.
- Changing eating habits – eating more or less than usual.
- Having trouble sleeping.
- Frequent headaches and/or stomach aches.
- Having problems studying and getting on at school, sometimes skipping classes.
How to cope when your children are stressed
- Be open to listening and understanding the child’s problems both from their point of view and from a general perspective. Avoid judging them from your personal perspective and experience.
- Communicate in ways that let the child know they are loved, accepted and in a safe space. Communicate what you think they should do but avoid forbidding them to do something. Say “close the door gently” rather than “don't slam the door!”
- Praise them when they do well and show appreciation of their efforts even when they don’t achieve a goal.
- Practice mindfulness when responding rather than reacting when they act out emotionally such as raising their voice or arguing. Stay calm and communicate lovingly, being conscious of every word and action which can have a huge impact on their mental state and personality.
- Mentor them to love and respect themselves and appreciate the nature of difference and change.
- If they have a problem at school, consult their teacher to determine the cause and work together to find a solution.
What if they just won’t open up?
It is certainly not unusual for teenagers to be reluctant to open up to parents. In that case, try and help them gradually adjust and feel more comfortable with you until they trust you enough to talk about those things that make us all a little uncomfortable. How long this takes may depend on how much time parent and adolescent spend working on it together.
Here are some ways to adapt to the situation while it’s working its course:
· Spend more time with your child. Find activities you can do together. Invite them to join you in a new activity, say a baking or art class or taking in some concerts. Anything where you can bond and build family relationships and learn from each other.
· Always allow children to express their opinions and try not to pass judgement on them. Start with simple things like attending school events or choosing courses together. Always start by asking their opinion and leave your suggestions of other things they might consider till after.
· When a problem occurs, ask them what it’s about. Don't judge based on what you think you see. Your child will appreciate it if they know you will keep an open mind and sincerely try to work with them to resolve whatever it is that’s needling them.
· Practice ways of starting conversations with them. Perhaps you could express concern for them. Say something like, “You’re not looking all that happy today. What’s up?” Try different starting points. You could ask them what’s going viral on social media at the moment or talk about something relevant to their favourite things, from football to fashion, and so on.
Teenagers are like small trees branching out into bigger ones. How they grow depends on their intake of nutrients, sunlight and fertilizer, sort of like their parents’ love, understanding and support. If they are loved and given a safe space to grow, they’ll surely develop just fine, even if it takes a little time.
Being a parent isn’t easy. We have other lives to watch out for and do things for, from housework to financial obligations. Some of us also have elders to look after. So, parents may themselves feel stress and fatigue, possibly leading to irritability and anger. Watch your emotional condition because if it gets out of whack your child may pick up on it and be affected. In short, if you’re under stress, first and foremost is taking care of your own mental health.
Krungthai-AXA Life Insurance customers can check up on mental health issues online for free at: https://www.krungthai-axa.co.th/th/health-services/mind-health
References
· Mayo Clinic
https://mayocl.in/3vPcbpo
· BDMS Wellness Clinic
https://bit.ly/3OZp0oO
· Pobpad Hospital
https://bit.ly/3vMuXhk
· Phyathai Hospital
https://bit.ly/3x3dBMK
